BRASS
On the Conteinent of Geelaz. Our story begins, in the middle of winter. Out in the the Calor Plains. A cloaked figure is making its way to a nearby town. If you were to look close you could see the figures face. A young handsome man around the age of eighteen. His hair a jet black but with a slight bluish tint to it. His left eye was covered by his long bangs. His other eye, clearly visible, was a deep dark red it seemed almost jewlike. Like a purecut doves blood ruby,a deep CRIMSON red. His skin was pale almost as cold and white as the surroundings. His face yealded no flaws except for a long scar going from the bottom of his right eye to his neck. He trudged along in the snow completely noticeable in the white background.the recent blizzard had left everything Icy and white the trees had even gained a thin film of ice. Never the less the man cotiued onward. He knew that the snow would be gon in the morning when the blazing sun rose. That was the strage thing about the Calor Plains. No matter what time of year the nights yealded blizzards and the day intense heat. the only thing that seemed to survive is ther trees. Wich were abnormal too, they were called Century trees, Others called them Iron trees. Ether way they could stand up to any thing even grow back ater they had been completly cut away! Nothing killed them. They lived on.
The man soon made it into the town. The ONLY town in the middle of the Calor Plains. Where the town sat in the plains it had around a mile circular territory where the harsh weather was nonexistant. Another strange part of the Calor Plains. As the young man made it into the safe circular territory the snow was left behind. He finally made it to the town and made his way to a bar at the corner of one of the streets. The young man slowly walked in and set down on the last stool at the corner of the counter. as he sat there the old barkeep walked up...
"What can I get you?" He asked. in a tone that had an almost nobel accent. Almost like a knite.
"Water is fine." answered the young man
Just then a young woman ran in from the back wearing a watress outfit an she seemed a little flustered.
"Sorry! I am so sorry i'm late!" She said bowing apologticly to the barkeep
"It's alright hurry and get to work. Just clean up a few of the tables today. Buisness is slow so you can go afterward..." The barkeep answered
As the young woman started to clean up the used tables the barkeep turned back to the young man and introduced himself.
"My name is Lavitz good to meet you. You seem to have traveled a ways. What in hells name brings you to this town in the middle of the Calor? Adeathwish? Hmmmm?"
"I am just on a personal jouney. Nothing too interesting. And well going through the Calor was just quicker to get to where I am going." Shade responded.
"If you don't mind me asking... Just where are you headed?" Lavits questioned
"Fearonia" Shade stated "Feronia the capital."
"Tell me. Aren't the army of thirteen the only ones allowed even close to the capital?"Lavits asked shocked.
"Yes but like I said it is personal. So if you do not mind..."
"Okay i will not ask anymore." Lavits then turned around and started arranging some bottles.A few minutes passed and a a large man wih enormus rippling muscles walked in no shirt on just boots and a pair of pants were in him. He had a shaven head and a large tatoo of a fist on his chest. He made his way over to the girl who was now in the process of wasing the tables down after she had them cleaned off. The man stooped down and licked the back of the girls neck in a vulgar and perverted way and making as much noise as he could. The young woman quickly turned around and slammed the handel of the broom into the side of the mans head.
Becoming enraged he backed the woman into the wall and slammed his fist against the area by her head. The young man just watching and getting angier by the second turned and asked Lavitz who he was.
"Thats the leader of of the Forrmer gang "Big Brass". His name is Knuckles. He comes here every night and picks up a girl."
"They dont fight back?" The young man asked. His voice now showing the anger.
"If they do they just get slapped around. Best not to do anyting if you want to live." Lavitz answered "It is sad but I cant do anything if I step in i will just make things worse..."
As Lavitz finished talking the young woman screamed and the young man turned around to see what was going the woman was pinned against the Wall by Knuckles he had a bright read hand shaped mark on his face where the girl had obviously slapped him.
"Listen you little skank! You will come with me and like it! Ill have you enjoying it by the morning" Knuckles was saying
"No Please!" The woman scremed
Knuckles raised his hand to hit the woman. Just then Knuckles felt a hand on his shoulder. The young man had somehow calmed himself and made his way to. Knuckles from the bar. Lavitz just stared speechless. Waiting for what was to come.
The young man then spoke to Knuckles Gripping his shoulder so tight his fingertips turned white. "Dont do that" he said slowly in a monotone voice.
"HAHAHA and you are?" Knuckles laughed "Back up Cloak boy or ill cave your face in." He then turned back aroud to the woman and raised his hand again.
The young man then moves so swiftly that he almost became invisible and planted his elbow into Knuckes side knocking him over with little effort. "Dont do that" he said again.
Kuckles was obviously angered and walked up to the young man. "nice to meet cha." Knuckles said "My name is KNUCKLES!!!"
Knuckles then slammed the young man throught the wall leaving a large hole and the young man sprawled out in the middle of the road.
"HEH...HEH...HEH.... Is that all? IS THAT ALL?!??! FOR A FORRMER LEADER YOU ARE WEAK. MY TURN NOW! ILL BLOODY YOUR FACE AND SNAP THOSE ARMS! EVERY SINGLE BONE IN YOUR BODY WILL BE STICKING OUT OF YOUR FLESH. I CANT WAIT TO HEAR YOUR BONES AND HEAD CRUNCH UNDER MY FEET!!! HAHAHA!." The voice of the young man was full of malice it almost seemed like another person was speaking he got up and then took a step forward. by then Knuckles had made his way over and raised his fist.
He then swung and Knuckes fist was slammed into the young man. But the hit did not even move the boy it had no effect. The young man then looked up at knuckles his eyes had turned a deep COBALT blue.
"What the hell?!?!" Knuckles said in a barely audiable voice.
Then the young man grabbed ahold of Knuckles fist and flipped sideways completely twisting it out of socket. Then as Knuckles kneeled on the ground the young man looked at him and then smiled.
The scream was heard all over town the Big Brass had fallen a bloody Knuckles was being carried out of town by his fearful gang. Both his Femur bones five ribs and his collar bones were sticking out of his skin at akward angles. His hands were twisted completely around and there was a large crater in his forehead. Noone spoke of what happened but everyone was cheerful. The young man then started walking to the town entrace. Lavitz asked him to stay but the young man merely stated that after what happened he could not. He paid for the hole in the bars' wall and apologised and contiued walking the young woman ran to catch up to him and said.
"My name is Saya. Tell me yours. I want to know the name of the man who saved me.
The young man hesitated for a moment not wanting now to reveal his name after the events that took place.
"Shade." He finally said "My name is Shade.
Shade slowly walked out of the town and continued on his way leaving the events that took place behind him. but soon he had a feeling of someone following him.
Knowing who it was Shade let the unwanted guest follow for a ways. hoping that they would give up. But coming close to the Exit of the small safty zone in the Calor Plains. He stopped and said. "Come in front of me so that i can see you.Shade waited as a meek Saya came before him
I wanted to know... she hesitated... would you.. take me with you? Shade? She asked.
"I have no time for trivial matters. You would get in my way go back now.Shade said coldly
"But I just" Saya began
"Not buts." I dont care i have no need for you. you are weak and helpless. What can you do to help me?? Other than be a pretty object to get in the way. Shade kept on.
"I am not weak!" Saya said tearing up.
"That is exactly what I mean! I say somthing and you cry about it.Look i only saved you for one reason, i diddnt like what was happening to you. I had no personal involvemen. Now go back. YOU PEST!" Shade yelled.
Saya now getting angry. walked up to Shade and started to rebuke him. YOU know nothing about me! You will take me. I'llshow you that i can be of some use! besides I dont want to follow YOU for personal reasons either!
Shade got so close to her thier noses were touching." No." He said then turned around and began to walk outside the safe zone.
Suddenly he felt extra weight on his left foot. "WHAT THE HELL?! Let GO!" he shouthed. Saya had latched onto his leg.
" I wont let go untill you agree to take me!" she yelled back.
Shade tried to walk but it became a nucance. Then he felt a sharp pain. HOLY CRAP! DID YOU BITE A CHUNK OUT OF MY LEG!?!!?!?!? GET OFF! Shade began to shake her but with her teeh buried in his leg it was no use.
"FINE!" He finally said. "You can come!"
Saya let go and Shade bent down to nurse the bite on his leg.
"DAMN!" He mummbled
After a while he stood up and looked at her. "I have a couple of rules before we go on. One: Dont get in my way. Two: if you cant fight with me stay out of it. Three: stay at least twenty steps behind me. And four: Never look at me with love in your eyes like you did in that town again. I have no intrest in you and it will stay that way so do not try."
Saya stood there suprised. Yo-you saw? She stammered.
"How could I not....." He said in an almost sad voice. "I have seen it once before. From someone else. It is somthing you do not forget." Shade stated.
What happened to her? Saya questioned
Shade paused for a moment and then turned around and said. "I killed her....."














Comments
First, the idea of life being composed of grains of sand, that are constantly moving while looking like a still desert, is pretty interesting.
Second, I feel some lack of punctuation. I don't know English punctuation very well - and Russian differs from that somewhat - but I feel some commas missing. If it isn't so, please excuse me.
Third. The intro is okay-ish, so to say. It's a bit cliched, but maybe you'd make something really interesting out of it. Every beginning is the same, but ways may differ drastically; so it's only a matter of your imagination, to set up various situations for your hero. You can end up with a pretty interesting story.
Fourth. Overall, it was a bit boring. Even though I _could_ imagine events as pictures, I did so only to make my reading easier. It just didn't made me curious enough to keep wondering what's going on... I cannot say what is lacking, but this piece need a good polishing, story-wise.
I don't know if I can, but if I can help in any way, I'd like to.
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